Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
