just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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