Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
