I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
