Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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