Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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