I could have mohawked her pubes.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
