you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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