I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
