I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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