i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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