the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
