$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
my being single is dangerous.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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