He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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