I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
