The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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