they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
