Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I think people are normalizing furries
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
how does that bad decision feel?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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