she looked like the bat from fern gully.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
