whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Randomize
