While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize
