On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
