Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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