I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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