belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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