yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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