he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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