The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
