Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
