We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
