I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
