1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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