I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
