if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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