I will die if light touches me.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
