You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
