just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
