What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
