I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
