i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Pants are for mortals
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
