he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
