didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
How many fucks given?
0.12846
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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