Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
