Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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