Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My vagina is very pro this idea
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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