Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
