Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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