i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
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