he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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