I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
