She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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