I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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