I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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